a_dumb_blonde

Hey again. right now im just chilling in study hall with chris. i have a shitload of work that i'm supposed to do tonight, yet im still not working during studyhall. life has been pretty boring lately. jeff lee is here too now. i haven't really been up to anything exciting and have been spending a lot of time at home by myself. i'm sortof getting used to being by myself but still get depressed on occasion when i have nothing to do. i really want a boyfriend but i dont want to just go out with someone because i'm lonely. right now i dont know any guys that i would consistantly want to hang out with. well i know some but they dont really give me a second glance. im really sick of hearing "i just want to be friends". that is bullshit. maybe im just unattractive. i feel like lately ive been getting boring because even when im in the situation to start a conversation with a guy i like i never can think of anything worthwhile to say. i end up making fun of things a lot just so that i have something to say and then theres this long awkward silence.
so. if any guys out there feel like they want to get to know me ill give it a shot. im gonna go now though because i really dont have anything interesting to say here.

Me and chris are in mr pikes room right now. im pretty bored. im sure i have homework that i could be doing but im not exactly in the mood. i spent about 10 minutes trying to remember my livejournal user name and password but finally got it. i want to start writing in here again. i think. stuff is going alright this year. crew is over soon which is sad. my whole life revolves around crew. the class trip to new york was amazing so its dissapointing to be back in harvard. im reading this book zen and the art of motercycle maintenance. it really gets me thinking so its a good read. i dont really know what else to say and im sure nobody ever reads my livejournal so maybe ill write something significant later. im still not even remotely sure about what im doing this summer. i tried to get a job at drummlin farms but im not sure if i will follow through with that. maybe ill start playing guitar more or something. it seems like everyone around me is in love. being single is alright but gets lonely. im kindof sick of looking for a significant other. it seems like i always find someone when im not looking. its strange how life works like that. this kid behind me keeps arguing about how hes stupid. i dont know why anyone would be proud of that. it seems like a lot of girls play dumb nowadays. i dont find that attractive at all. so what if im considered a "nerd" or "cool". this is a strange world that we live in. so. if anyone takes the time to read this leave me a comment or something. i feel lonely. peace.

hm im really bored. just thinking about shit. today was alright. i ran a lot in track, but that is to be expected. i hate this cold weather. i wish it would be time for spring crew already.im not really in the mood for school tomorrow. mer.

woo today is my moms birthday. school started this week which sucked really badly. i dont have too many people in my classes that i actually like. i personally really dont like mr murphy even though prettymuch everyone else loves him. our english teacher also seems like a huge bitch. ian is in my gym class which makes me life a lot better. hopefully ill be able to go to kyles tonight and party.

i got a new sn for aim. and a new email.
my email is alison_cohen@hotmail.com. pretty fucking sweet.

today was horrible. my mom was being a bich to me and my dad stood up for me so then my mom got mad and said i was ruining their marraige. she is so full of shit it is insane. im really pissed off because i didnt do anything and she is yelling at me. then i had to go babysit at 12 and i didnt get home until 7 so im really tired. a bunch of other shit is going on and i really want somebody good for me to talk to. except not my shrink.

Current Mood: restless

so mike isnt allowed to visit me or have me visit him. i really wish i didn't get into so much trouble because this sucks major ass. i cried all of last night. im never smoking or drinking again. i pretty much hate myself right now. im not sure why im writing all of this online but i just feel like it because i dont know who i can talk to. louis was really nice to me last night but only because he doesnt know how much of a bitch i was to him. it feels like the only people that like me are the ones that dont know me. im so mad at myself because this is all my fault. his mom is probably right though and maybe the best thing i could do right now is leave mike alone because i am a horrible influence. i really wanna just go get drunk but i know that drinking wont solve any of my problems. it sucks because i dont know what will. if anyone has any ideas of what i could do then tell me..

my mom got home today. she isn't mad at me at all which makes me happy. me and maddie went running and then biked to the pond and went tubing. it was pretty sweet.

me and louis broke up :(

Current Mood: lonely

mike called me at 4:20. hense the title booty call. i am trying to figure out how he posted pictures but sinse i am retarted i cant figure it out. it is 7:44 right now and my dad is already at work. i cant get back to sleep idk why. im kindof hungry. today i need to go to my shrink. i havent seen her in forever so this should be interesting. ive made so many posts on this in the last couple of days. i think im addicted to livejournal. ok well im going to keep trying to figure out how to post pictures for my lover.

Current Mood: sleepy

today was pretty interesting. my dad woke me up at around 11 and made me go to the movies with him. i got back at 3 and needed to go babysit Dillan. i played with cars for about three hours which was actually really fun. i love that kid. he just recently turned two :). then once i got home i watched this really disturbing movie called jungle fever. it was about some girl who cheated on her italian boyfriend with a black guy. haha wow i think my dad really wants me to feel guilty. anyways the movie is really sad and racist and made me want to go smoke crack. i miss mike a lot. if we dont get to hang out sometime this summer i will be really sad. everyone that reads this should check out his myspace because he has an awesome picture that leah drew of us. i think that i should put up some pictures of him too because i love him so much. im going to work on that plan.

today was really good. i went for an insanely long bike ride with my brother. then i walked my dog and maddie came over to come swimming. i miss everyone from camp a lot. especially mike :( . skott called me today which made me happy. it was good to hear from him again. hanging out with maddie was a lot of fun because i really missed her. i just realized that i have almost no friends in harvard which kindof sucks. but atleast i know that i have friends in other places. my dads been working all week so ive been home alone a lot. i really wish i could drive somewhere. im really sick of cheesy guys hitting on me. if you dont know me dont say that i seem cool and dont ask to hang out with me because if you are 21 and you are going for 15 year old girls, chances are you arent hot. so leave me alone. that might sound a little bitchy but thats how i feel right now. i miss everyone from camp and everyone from kwaj and a lot of other people that ive met along the way. hopefully i will find something worthwhile to do tonight.

oh wow. i am an idiot. camp this year was amazing. i miss all of you guys. we really need to throw a post camp party. id have it at my house but nobody would want to drive that far. but we should work something out. <3 you guys.

its finally spring break! today was pretty good but school seemed sooo long. i went to the pond during long block and when i came back the last two periods seemed like they took forever. our first crew meet is tomorrow and im soo excited. it sucks that maddie isnt rowing but i hope someone doesnt show up or something so that she can. my dad finally got back from colorado and its good to see him again. im kindof mad at my mom because she took two hours to pick me up from crew today. but atleast it was nice out so i didnt freeze.

woah i havent written in so long. i forgot i had a livejournal haha. anyways im so excited for may 28th because i get to visit alyssa in newmexico. not too much interesting happened today.i went to school and crew..it was a half day which was good. in crew me and maddie were laying down in the boat and the coach made us all lay down. it was fun. im glad he wasnt mad at us or anything. our next meet is soon. i cant wait until its finally the weekend. last weekend was pretty fun because we had the car wash. there were a bunch of sketchy old guys but it was still really fun. ok leave me comments or whatever. ill write later maybe